Title: How not to deal with serial kissers
Length: 1720 words
Summary: kibum "courts" jinki, and the rest of shinee panics.
Original Story: unconditionally onew by lovescone
Notes: first time writing onkey, even if it's more shinee-watches-onkey, so I hope it's good and that lovescone enjoys it :)
Jonghyun’s flipping idly through a magazine when Kibum grabs his hand and pulls him out of the living room, through the hallway and finally into the elevator. This is how Jonghyun knows it’s serious, because Kibum always has his life-changing discussions in here, rapidly closing the doors if anyone looks remotely interested in coming inside. “So,” he says, clearing his throat. He looks at the door one last time. “I like Jinki.” It comes out of his mouth so painlessly that the precautions seem ridiculous. It’s not like Jonghyun didn’t know, either—Kibum treats Jinki the way he used to treat Jonghyun, an overgrown third grader tripping the girl he likes down the stairs. What comes next does surprise him, if only a little.
“I kissed him today. Twice, actually.”
Oh. Maybe that’s why they’re in the elevator. Kibum’s either vaguely nervous or ready to slit someone’s throat, he can’t tell. “So…what happened?” Jonghyun asks after a long pause, because he’s never been the person to give out relationship advice.
Kibum’s expression darkens. “Nothing happened.”
“Oh.” Jonghyun frowns, and the elevator comes down to the first floor. Kibum gets a glimpse of fangirls and anxiously presses floor twelve, closing the door again. “Like, he rejected you?”
“No,” Kibum snaps. "Nothing happened.”
Jonghyun tries to picture the moment in his mind—Kibum kissing Jinki in that abrupt, I-don’t-care-what-you-want way of his, and Jinki standing there, stunned into silence until Kibum walks off. “Well, that’s…odd.”
“Brilliant deduction, Watson.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
Kibum shuts the door in a woman’s face, wincing as she drops a shopping bag. “Don’t know yet.”
“Hmm,” Jonghyun doesn’t know why he says this next thing—maybe he was bored, maybe he thought it would really work, maybe he just wanted to get out of the elevator. “What if you tried it again?”
Kibum purses his lips, and presses the button for their floor. “That could work.”
For whatever reason, after Kibum kisses him, Jinki becomes dead weight, not so much as stuttering when Kibum makes a face and walks into the other room. None of them understand it, because a kiss isn’t exactly something you can be neutral about—Jinki either likes it or doesn’t, he’s just not doing anything. Kibum’s refused to ask Jonghyun for advice again, but judging from the looks Jinki flashes Kibum during group meals the surprise-kissing is still going on.
Jonghyun calls an emergency Sane Members of SHINee meeting a few days after Kibum talks to him, holding it, naturally, in the elevator. “This isn’t the best place to talk,” Minho says dryly, and Jonghyun pulls him on. Taemin’s lip twitches until he starts giggling, and Jonghyun would glare at him too if he wasn’t so damn cute.
“We have a dire situation,” he says instead, gravely.
Taemin blinks. “You mean our next concept?”
“No!” he’s met with two blank stares. “I mean, yes, that’s a problem too, but I, look, there’s a reason Jinki and Kibum aren’t here.”
“Oh.” Minho’s eyes actually manage to get larger. “That.”
“What?” Taemin looks up at Minho, who turns red before puckering his lips as some kind of explanation. “You mean it happened again? I thought it was just that one time with the—“
“It happens at least once a day,” Jonghyun wails. “And Jinki isn’t…taking action.”
“Does he like Kibum?” Taemin asks. “That way, I mean.”
Minho frowns pensively. “He has to, if he’s not pushing him off every time.”
“Or he’s too nice to assert himself.” Jonghyun slumps in a corner of the elevator, sighing. “We are not getting paid to deal with serial kissers.”
They’re quiet as the elevator goes back up from the second floor, Minho’s reflexes saving them narrowly from a visit to the first-floor lobby. “Maybe we should just let things take their course,” he says weakly, looking at both of them. “This can’t go on forever.”
Jonghyun whimpers. “Please don’t jinx it.”
“Well.” Jonghyun stares at the empty spot on the couch, then at Kibum. On the other side of the room, Minho has an eyebrow raised. Jonghyun considers texting Taemin their newest development, but decides Kibum would notice. He’s never been very stealthy. “That was interesting.”
“Not my fault,” Kibum snaps. “He probably has very important duties to attend to.”
“I hate you.” Jonghyun looks up again, and their bedroom door is swinging shut—just like Minho to make himself scarce when Jonghyun’s in grave danger. He doesn’t know why he acts so stupid around Kibum, why he gets the worst ideas when they’re together, but he feels another one coming on and spits it out.
“Maybe you should try movie-star kissing him, he’ll have to respond to that.”
Kibum twitches. “Do I dare take advice from you again?”
“Do you?” Jonghyun gets up, deciding to get out before he says anything worse. He’ll text Taemin in the bedroom. “I’ll leave you to your thoughts.”
“For the record, I still hate you.”
He shrugs. “Haven’t you always?”
Kibum movie-star kisses him that afternoon. Or, at least, he does something, because Taemin is headed towards the kitchen when Jinki bolts past him, covering his face, and once he reaches the kitchen table Minho gives him a meaningful look. “Hyung said he was going for a run,” he says, as Kibum tries to stuff himself in the freezer. “One of us should go with him.”
“Not it,” he screeches, and Minho shakes his head.
“We’re doing this fairly,” he says. “Rock paper scissors.”
“That’s not fair either,” Taemin whines, and Minho ignores him, beginning the chant. Jonghyun’s told him time and time again that paper is the best, but this time Taemin goes for rock, hoping Minho doesn’t read his mind. They shoot, and the first thing he hears is Minho groaning in exasperation. He looks down, and can’t believe it—he has rock, and Minho….has scissors.
Taemin smiles winningly. “Let today be known as the one and only time Choi Minho lost a child’s game.” Minho shoots him a warning look, and Taemin’s smile only gets more devious. “Besides, you like jogging. And talking, when you’re not trying to be mysterious and charismatic.”
Minho looks at the bedroom door, gulping. “This is different,” he says. “I don’t know anything about…well…you know.” Kibum blanches behind them, and Taemin gives him a look that says yes, everyone knows.
“Neither do I, and I bet Jonghyun doesn’t either.” Taemin looks back at Kibum. “Hyung, do we have any snacks?”
“Okay,” he turns back to Minho and smirks. “Hurry up before he leaves without you.”
Minho gives him another death glare before opening his bag and pulling out a pair of sweats. He goes into the bathroom to change, and Taemin turns to Kibum with the most miserable, starved-child look possible.
“So, what’s up?”
Minho winces at how fake he sounds. The entire thing is a complete nightmare, with Jinki avoiding eye contact and then laughing nervously when Minho looks at him, waiting for an answer. He opens a playlist and listens to Jinki with one eye closed, giving him all the appropriate responses. He pretends to be oblivious to the entire situation, asking him questions he already knows the answer to just to keep him talking.
Minho is positive that Jinki likes Kibum, just because he isn’t doing anything to stop Kibum from kissing him. Taemin doesn’t care as long as it ends soon, and Jonghyun’s convinced that Jinki is some kind of victim, too dumbstruck to do anything but stare, but Minho thinks that’s giving Jinki too little credit. Even if he doesn’t realize it, Jinki’s old enough to know what he wants, and Minho’s going to make him figure it out.
“Listen, hyung. Either you kiss him back, or you tell him to stop. If you ask me, the fact that you haven’t stopped him yet makes me wonder if you like what he’s doing.” He grins; almost there. “Or, you know, like him in general.”
Jinki’s obviously flustered. “You’re not—it doesn’t weird you out?”
He keeps smiling at Jinki, opening his mouth to encourage him—and discourage him, when they reach the topic of pickup lines. He flashes a thumbs-up sign when he sees Taemin at the dorm and thinks Minho: 1, Jonghyun and Taemin: 0.
“Hyung!” Taemin shakes Jonghyun violently, and he simply snores in response. “Hyung. Get up.” It takes a few more shakes, but Jonghyun opens his eyes slowly, looking up.
Taemin points at the two empty beds across the room—Jinki’s and Kibum’s. It slowly registers in Jonghyun’s mind. “What’s happening?”
“No idea. They left a while ago.” He looks at Minho’s bed, where he appears to be wrapped in his comforter, and decides not to wake him up. “Why don’t you go check?” It’s Jonghyun, so instead of saying why don’t you? he just nods and slowly rolls off the bed and out the door. “I’ll wait here.”
He listens closely—there’s a faint sound of the television in the background, with Jonghyun’s footsteps slowly going to the kitchen. A minute later he returns with a cup of water; Taemin snatches it and takes a sip. “So?”
Jonghyun makes a face. “They were watching a movie,” he says. “And kissing. Mutually. With hands.” He puts his hands to his face, starting to demonstrate. “Like—“
“I get it,” Taemin sighs. “So, case closed?”
Jonghyun looks back through the doorway. “Yeah, but now we have something else to deal with.”
“What do you mean?”
Jonghyun leans in gravely and shivers. “Public displays of affection.”
Taemin nods, and realizes it hadn’t dawned on any of them that this would have an aftermath. “At least they’re happy?” he thinks about it. “We’ll buy those sleeping masks.”
Jonghyun hums, satisfied, and falls onto Taemin’s shoulder. “Can we go back to bed?”
Taemin sets down the water and pulls them back under the sheets.
“So let me get this straight,” Minho says in the morning, when Jinki and Kibum have disappeared without a word. “The kissing thing, that was your idea?”
Jonghyun picks up his head from off the kitchen table. “It was a temporary lack of foresight, okay.”
“Temporary,” Taemin repeats, lips forming an amused smile. Jonghyun: -2, Taemin and Minho: infinity.